And What Do You Do? - Softcover

While an at-home mother's response to the question, "And what do you do?" may not make for lively cocktail party conversation, And What Do You Do? shows that the experience of staying home is often far from mundane. Reflecting on their own experiences as wives and mothers, authors Loretta Kaufman and Mary Quigley decided to collaborate on a tribute to all of the unsung women who make the "politically incorrect" decision to leave the workforce, either temporarily or indefinitely, for the sake of their husbands or families.

Kaufman and Quigley challenge one by one the myths surrounding the choice to stay home ("You can't afford to stay home," "Your mind turns to mush," "Your marriage will suffer," etc.) and debunk the stereotypes of the at-home wife or mother. The women they interviewed for the book are everything but tennis-playing "ladies who lunch." They are intelligent, multitasking, technology-savvy women who have combined mothering with individual pursuits to create dynamic and interesting alternative careers for themselves. These women have used their education and prior corporate experience to volunteer, develop at-home businesses, consult, manage family finances, freelance, and develop Web sites, and they offer compelling testimony to support Kaufman and Quigley's argument that staying home affords tremendous opportunities for personal growth.

While the experiences of the women profiled in the book may be representative of an emerging postfeminist trend, their lifestyles are hardly typical. These women's husbands include TV actors, a professional basketball player, a famous novelist (Norman Mailer), CEOs (Kaufman's husband was the CEO of Columbia Pictures Entertainment) and the transportation secretary in President Clinton's cabinet! Even so, women in the middle-income-and-above bracket who are planning or considering such a shift will appreciate the book as a source of inspiration and encouragement. --Margaret Stude Michael

"The voices of dozens of innovative mothers heard in Kaufman and Quigley's book still the cultural cacophony surrounding mothers in recent decades. These women's stories bring to life a savvy counterculture unabashedly investing their skills, education, and imagination to yield a balance they crave in family life. They are confident that the self-knowledge and refinement mined in interdependent living will be the catalyst for an abundant life with adequate time 'for every season.'" -- Margie Johnson, Chairman of the Board, Mothers at Home

"The wives and mothers profiled in the pages of 'And What Do You Do?' have a great answer to that question--they are doing nothing less than blazing new trails in the work/family/life balance. These intelligent, talented women are making the revolutionary choice of putting their families first by taking time out from the paid workplace. In doing so they are also redefining the notion of success to encompass involvement. Kaufman and Quigley do an excellent job of putting names and faces to this importnat emerging trend of 'sequencing'--moving in and out of the paid workplace as family responsibilities ebb and flow. This book is a must read for women struggling with work/family decisions." -- Joanne Brundage, Founder and Executive Director, Mothers &

If you're thinking about joining the 7.7 million American women who stay at home with their kids, read "And What Do You Do?"

Loretta Kaufman and Mary Quigley, NYU-trained journalists, say that putting one's career on hold does not mean forgoing work altogether--it just means waiting. (Kaufman and Quigley practice what they preach--both stayed at home with their kids, and both are now successful journalists.) Nor should potential stay-at-homes believe any of the other myths--that full-time parenting is nothing more than drudgery and moms have no time to themselves, that your brain will turn to oatmeal and your marriage will suffer.

In fact, many stay-at-home moms have more free-time than women juggling work and parenthood. Many moms volunteer, take yoga classes, or become more actively involved in church. And when you and your hubby aren't both stressed to the max, you may find yourselves taking picnics and enjoying candlelit dinners that were unthinkable when you were both trying to make partner at a posh law firm. (Beliefnet, May 2000) -- From Beliefnet