The Science of Love - Hardcover

What makes someone fall in love with you? What makes you fall in love? Most people look for answers to these questions in poetry, music, or long, soul-searching, alcohol-fueled conversations, the most famous of which was depicted by Plato more than two thousand years ago. The answers found in art and philosophy usually focus on how love feels: the intense yearning, the inability to think about anything but the object of one's love, and the overwhelming need to be with that person. Little is said about the reason for love.

In The Science of Love, a top evolutionary biologist, Oxford University's Robin Dunbar, draws on the latest research to examine the many aspects of romantic love—passion, commitment, intimacy, hugging, kissing, monogamy, cheating, and more—from a scientist's point of view. He separates the chemical from the logical, explains why we evolved one way and not another, and reveals that love is not just about passion and pain—it's about survival.

For example, it shouldn't be surprising that older women rarely list their ages in dating ads and that men have been primed to love the thrill of the chase: for evolutionary reasons, it is younger, fertile women who take the lead in the mating game. However, even for them, their primary needs—good genes demonstrated by cues like facial symmetry and masculinity on the one hand and a monogamous, nurturing life partner on the other—don't always come in the same package. Luckily, he also explains that songs like "I Only Have Eyes for You" are describing a quantifiable phenomenon, with the body producing chemicals that make a man less interested in every woman who isn't his. The Science of Love also proves, disproves, and sheds new light on most of the widely held beliefs about romance, including why love at first sight may actually be love at first smell, and how we know that the quest for a mate trumps other important drives, with love conquering all—even self-protection.

Dunbar reveals the distinct differences between romantic love and other close relationships, including the bond between parent and child, kinship, and various levels of friendship. Rather than being different points on the same continuum, he explains, each of these types of intimacy operates differently and separately from the others. Parents may have many children, and all of us may have many friends, but romantic love bonds two people together for what may well be the rest of their lives.

Whether you live for Valentine's Day, routinely forget your wedding anniversary, or are still waiting for that special someone to come into your life, The Science of Love will help you make sense of all those crazy feelings we call love.

Praise for The Science of Love

"Bridges the gap between the biological explanations for humans' romantic behaviour and the psychological, historical, social and evolutionary contexts that help to shape it. Dunbar excels at taking obvious and familiar information—men prefer curvy women; women prefer men who dance well; older women rarely reveal their ages in lonely-hearts columns—and explaining the complex and often unexpected evolutionary science that lies behind it all."
—The Economist

"As well as looking at the science of attraction—what happens in our brains when we fall in love—Dunbar offers an engaging analysis of the differences between the sexes in their choice of life partners. Dunbar covers familiar ground, such as our inclination towards partners who resemble our parents, and how passion tends to wane three years into a relationship, but he always offers a refreshing take. The Science of Love is an empowering read. Only by better understanding why we act in certain ways or what is prompting a particular emotion can we make the necessary choices to improve our love lives."
—The Independent (UK)