In June of 2006, my father passed away. I was 41 years old and had just lost my father. I hugged my wife seeking comfort for my loss. Then I realized I felt no loss. I held her tighter and longer; nothing. I hugged my children; still nothing. I finally realized that losing my father started when I was 5 years old. It started with that first slap across my face that caused my nose to bleed and it ended, or so I thought, with his death in a hospital bed in Arizona. Between the ages of 5 and 41, I grew up physically and mentally, but was still immature emotionally. I spent many of those years haunted by the paranoia of becoming my father. I assumed that someday I would pass through some magical door or make some sort of anti-wish with a genie and wake up as my father. I questioned for years whether this similarity or that one meant I was becoming him. I finally realized that I was him; and I was me. I am my father in some ways, I have to be. His genes are in me and I spent the first 11 years of my life with him. His behavior and his genetics are affecting me. I am 5’ 7” tall on a good day, have his green eyes, dark hair that is struggling to stay with me and have near-sightedness, just like he did. Physically I have taken on many of his traits without control over them. I just am part of him. Once I realized I was also part of him emotionally and behaviorally, I could then break through the paranoia of being him and allow myself to be me. I first had to realize that being me meant being him too. Discover the real you! For most of my life it was easy for me to say how much I hated my dad. What I didn’t realize was that those words and thoughts also pertained to me. If I hated him, I must also hate the part of me that is him. If I hate him I also hate me. It took a journey of identifying how much I really loved him before I could love me. I found my real purpose and my Authentic Self. It has been freeing and I can now overcome anything.
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Review:
I found Thought Shredder to be a tough and uncomfortable read, but at the same time the author presents such an honest and engaging tale of self-discovery. Regardless of childhood and upbringing, each person in this world is able to achieve great things and live happy lives if they don't let what happened in past years define them. I do understand how a rough start can severely impact a person's adult life but I hope that readers will find encouragement and the desire to move forward in a positive manner after reading Thought Shredder by Chris Elliott.
-Charity Tober, Readers Favorite Review
Thought Shredder is a powerful and unflinching look at Elliot's damaged relationship with his father and how that has affected his behavior throughout his life. It's raw and unnerving, but make no mistake: this is core to what makes the book so powerful. The book could only work if Elliot was bluntly honest, and he is. Elliot's story about achieving a healthier life is both inspiring and admirable.
-Cate Baum, Self Publishing Review
"About this title" may belong to another edition of this title.
- PublisherNinth Street Publishing
- Publication date2012
- ISBN 10 0982105029
- ISBN 13 9780982105023
- BindingPaperback
- Number of pages202
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Rating